Sunday, November 30, 2003
Rough week -- is there any other sort around here? I've been having a rough time trying to reconcile myself to the fact that this is it. This is my life, there's not going to be a magic solution or a magic cure for the kids. It's probably another ten years of living on the edge of reason and then if I'm lucky they'll be functional adults.
Soooooooooo. The risperidone is not working for M. We decreased the dose and he got even worse so now we are increasing the dose to see if that works. I predict fun times ahead.
Spent a shitload of money on supplements for K and then had to wrap my head around how to get him to swallow them. They're all powders but there is so damned much of them. He's responded well, had two fantastic days at childcare which was independent confirmation that I wasn't just imagining it.
The childcare Xmas party was on Friday and it went well. I didn't work in the kitchen this year as it's the last year K is there. It would have been impossible in any case as both kids needed shadowing and G couldn't have done it. M was a mess with no tolerance of other kids. I'm feeling really sad at the thought of leaving childcare as it's been such a support for 4 years and I'm certain school is not going to be such a good experience.
In other news nothing really is happening. We took the kids into the city to see the Xmas windows and M was a disaster from start to finish. He was overwhelmed by the noise, the crowds and the smells of the city. Still doing mortgage crap which I really should have completed on but I'm just not motivated in the slightest.
The ghastly neighbours have moved! ::happy dance:: They were tremendously noisy. And they screamed abuse at the numerous kids all the time. The young woman was annoyed with me because I wouldn't lend her a power tool last week but unfortunately it didn't stop them talking to us. It's been several days of high volume shouting and screaming while they moved their stuff out but it's going to be so much quieter with them gone. Plus they will no longer be providing my kids with vocabulary extension.
Soooooooooo. The risperidone is not working for M. We decreased the dose and he got even worse so now we are increasing the dose to see if that works. I predict fun times ahead.
Spent a shitload of money on supplements for K and then had to wrap my head around how to get him to swallow them. They're all powders but there is so damned much of them. He's responded well, had two fantastic days at childcare which was independent confirmation that I wasn't just imagining it.
The childcare Xmas party was on Friday and it went well. I didn't work in the kitchen this year as it's the last year K is there. It would have been impossible in any case as both kids needed shadowing and G couldn't have done it. M was a mess with no tolerance of other kids. I'm feeling really sad at the thought of leaving childcare as it's been such a support for 4 years and I'm certain school is not going to be such a good experience.
In other news nothing really is happening. We took the kids into the city to see the Xmas windows and M was a disaster from start to finish. He was overwhelmed by the noise, the crowds and the smells of the city. Still doing mortgage crap which I really should have completed on but I'm just not motivated in the slightest.
The ghastly neighbours have moved! ::happy dance:: They were tremendously noisy. And they screamed abuse at the numerous kids all the time. The young woman was annoyed with me because I wouldn't lend her a power tool last week but unfortunately it didn't stop them talking to us. It's been several days of high volume shouting and screaming while they moved their stuff out but it's going to be so much quieter with them gone. Plus they will no longer be providing my kids with vocabulary extension.
Monday, November 24, 2003
It stormed but it didn't clear the air at all, oh no, not at all.
M's marginally OK but fragile. I dunno know how much longer I'm willing to persevere with this.
Couriers who come when there damned well are people at home and leave without leaving the packet and who then say they will come between 9 and 12 and turn up at 2 are a PITA.
I wish a magic dinner fairy would come and visit. I don't mind cooking it, I'm just sick of thinking of dinner for M, dinner for K and dinner for me and G.
M's marginally OK but fragile. I dunno know how much longer I'm willing to persevere with this.
Couriers who come when there damned well are people at home and leave without leaving the packet and who then say they will come between 9 and 12 and turn up at 2 are a PITA.
I wish a magic dinner fairy would come and visit. I don't mind cooking it, I'm just sick of thinking of dinner for M, dinner for K and dinner for me and G.
Saturday, November 22, 2003
I wish it would hurry up and storm already. It's hot and muggy and threatening and has been all day. I watered the garden and G topped up the swimming pool so that should ensure decent rain.
Ma and I loved Spellbound, especially Harry who was very similar to M in intensity. We went to Borders, did some Xmas shopping, went to Lush and did some other Xmas shopping. Ma had decided I was buying my nephews caps for Xmas but once she saw that I was right and the caps were completely out of my ballpark, she backed down.
We ate sushi. Had coffee at Borders. Then we went to the new Museum of Brisbane. It's pretty damned cool but we wished that everyone else would get out of our way so we could see things. The shop is amazing with lots of truly cool things.
M had an OK day. Went home with Ma and actually ate an enormous dinner. Still very emotional and stressy although better with the tricyclic back in his system.
I think people who take children to the library and let them choose music CDs should be taken out and shot at dawn. This horrible conglomeration K is playing over and over and over is an offence to my ears. Why the Pingu theme sond? Why the Thomas soundtrack? Why Jingle Bells?
Ma and I loved Spellbound, especially Harry who was very similar to M in intensity. We went to Borders, did some Xmas shopping, went to Lush and did some other Xmas shopping. Ma had decided I was buying my nephews caps for Xmas but once she saw that I was right and the caps were completely out of my ballpark, she backed down.
We ate sushi. Had coffee at Borders. Then we went to the new Museum of Brisbane. It's pretty damned cool but we wished that everyone else would get out of our way so we could see things. The shop is amazing with lots of truly cool things.
M had an OK day. Went home with Ma and actually ate an enormous dinner. Still very emotional and stressy although better with the tricyclic back in his system.
I think people who take children to the library and let them choose music CDs should be taken out and shot at dawn. This horrible conglomeration K is playing over and over and over is an offence to my ears. Why the Pingu theme sond? Why the Thomas soundtrack? Why Jingle Bells?
Thursday, November 20, 2003
Well today has really sucked the big one. M was edgy all morning and at 11.40, Megan hadn't arrived so I rang her.
Turns out she was sent home from work on Tuesday because she was cracking up and is very unwell. Splendid. Leanne was supposed to ring me and let me know. Splendid. Megan cried she was so upset that I hadn't been told. Splendid.
So I got to tell M that she wasn't coming. Splendid.
We went to the Hyperdome to return books and have lunch. En route it became apparent that M had an agenda to go to McDonalds. Then he bit his cuticles so that they bled and he developed another agenda that we had to buy band aids. Oh and he was hellbent on going to the library before we bought lunch so he had something to eat while he was waiting for his burger without sauce or pickles.
The McDonalds, the chemist and the library are geographically diverse at the Hyperdome.
Splendid.
I got into it with him as which we would do first. It got heated. G nearly hit a car on the roundabout.
Splendid.
G decided to be heroic and go and buy band aids and we got to have a vicious hissed argument over what kind of band aids. Now on the planet I live on if you have a child with OCD who is picking his cuticles to pieces and who takes the farging band aids off at every opportunity you buy the rubbish brand as opposed to the expensive quality brand.
G would prefer to buy the expensive ones. He's an idiot. I gave him precisely enough money to buy cheap ones and he didn't notice.
We managed the library OK although nobody wants to admit where my reserved copy of Running with Scissors is. Lost is my opinion in their horrible changeover to a new computer system.
Had lunch. M ate his fries and his lemonade from his happy meal and couldn't manage the burger. G and I ate Chinese and I felt like crap for the rest of the afternoon.
Went to another library branch to see if they had the copy of Running with Scissors but no, they didn't.
Came home, my mother rang, I cried a lot. Collected K from childcare, another excellent day. M had another meltdown, then another one. Am getting very sick of this. Am not feeling like angelic mother with interesting memoir about raising mentally ill child in her.
M's not eating and I'm sure that's playing havoc with the med levels and with his blood sugar levels. I lost my temper this evening and made him eat. Only some crackers but it's better than nothing. I'm certain he's feeling like shit because he's effectively eaten nothing since Sunday.
Turns out she was sent home from work on Tuesday because she was cracking up and is very unwell. Splendid. Leanne was supposed to ring me and let me know. Splendid. Megan cried she was so upset that I hadn't been told. Splendid.
So I got to tell M that she wasn't coming. Splendid.
We went to the Hyperdome to return books and have lunch. En route it became apparent that M had an agenda to go to McDonalds. Then he bit his cuticles so that they bled and he developed another agenda that we had to buy band aids. Oh and he was hellbent on going to the library before we bought lunch so he had something to eat while he was waiting for his burger without sauce or pickles.
The McDonalds, the chemist and the library are geographically diverse at the Hyperdome.
Splendid.
I got into it with him as which we would do first. It got heated. G nearly hit a car on the roundabout.
Splendid.
G decided to be heroic and go and buy band aids and we got to have a vicious hissed argument over what kind of band aids. Now on the planet I live on if you have a child with OCD who is picking his cuticles to pieces and who takes the farging band aids off at every opportunity you buy the rubbish brand as opposed to the expensive quality brand.
G would prefer to buy the expensive ones. He's an idiot. I gave him precisely enough money to buy cheap ones and he didn't notice.
We managed the library OK although nobody wants to admit where my reserved copy of Running with Scissors is. Lost is my opinion in their horrible changeover to a new computer system.
Had lunch. M ate his fries and his lemonade from his happy meal and couldn't manage the burger. G and I ate Chinese and I felt like crap for the rest of the afternoon.
Went to another library branch to see if they had the copy of Running with Scissors but no, they didn't.
Came home, my mother rang, I cried a lot. Collected K from childcare, another excellent day. M had another meltdown, then another one. Am getting very sick of this. Am not feeling like angelic mother with interesting memoir about raising mentally ill child in her.
M's not eating and I'm sure that's playing havoc with the med levels and with his blood sugar levels. I lost my temper this evening and made him eat. Only some crackers but it's better than nothing. I'm certain he's feeling like shit because he's effectively eaten nothing since Sunday.
I'm thinking that really all I need to do to have this blog permanently updated is to type that M's meds are up the creek, the house is a mess and I don't care, and that I am tired.
M's seeming a tad better with the tricyclic reintroduced. ::sigh:: really not what I wanted to have happen. He's trying to eat today.
It's respite day and it looks like he'll cope and he wants Megan to come. We might go and look at paint for the living room. Can't think of anything more exciting to do.
I'm going into the city with Ma tomorrow and we're going to have lunch, see Spellbound and mooch around shops.
Dear god it is hot and muggy here today. Oh yeah that's the other thing in my permanent update -- bitch about the weather.
M's seeming a tad better with the tricyclic reintroduced. ::sigh:: really not what I wanted to have happen. He's trying to eat today.
It's respite day and it looks like he'll cope and he wants Megan to come. We might go and look at paint for the living room. Can't think of anything more exciting to do.
I'm going into the city with Ma tomorrow and we're going to have lunch, see Spellbound and mooch around shops.
Dear god it is hot and muggy here today. Oh yeah that's the other thing in my permanent update -- bitch about the weather.
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
All sorted with the mortgage and it's looking good now. Once I figure out how the hell we are going to pay it.
M has had a truly awful, no-good, hideous day. Really nauseated and manic and reactive. After I gave him his dinner and he went berserk at me that he was going to be sick, I rang Michael to talk over options. We've concluded he may actually have a virus although the lack of fever doesn't really support this or I took him off the tricyclic too fast although I've done it this fast in the past or the tricyclic was doing more than I thought or he's responding badly to the risperidone. So we've re-introduced the tricyclic this evening in the hopes it gets him back into some sort of balance. Last week was pretty good overall.
I am so sick of this, it's awful watching him suffer.
K completed his grade one maths book today. I think we started in June and we certainly did not work every day or even every week. He's working on some grade 3 and grade 4 level CDroms, doing spelling and reading and maths. It's quite remarkable to watch him teach himself as M most certainly did not. I am thinking we have dodged the LD bullet with this one. Maud knows there's enough other stuff to deal with for him.
G started a new book this morning. Heh. I knew when he was bitching yesterday that he had no new ideas that he was wrong.
M has had a truly awful, no-good, hideous day. Really nauseated and manic and reactive. After I gave him his dinner and he went berserk at me that he was going to be sick, I rang Michael to talk over options. We've concluded he may actually have a virus although the lack of fever doesn't really support this or I took him off the tricyclic too fast although I've done it this fast in the past or the tricyclic was doing more than I thought or he's responding badly to the risperidone. So we've re-introduced the tricyclic this evening in the hopes it gets him back into some sort of balance. Last week was pretty good overall.
I am so sick of this, it's awful watching him suffer.
K completed his grade one maths book today. I think we started in June and we certainly did not work every day or even every week. He's working on some grade 3 and grade 4 level CDroms, doing spelling and reading and maths. It's quite remarkable to watch him teach himself as M most certainly did not. I am thinking we have dodged the LD bullet with this one. Maud knows there's enough other stuff to deal with for him.
G started a new book this morning. Heh. I knew when he was bitching yesterday that he had no new ideas that he was wrong.
::tears hair out::
Just spoke to the broker and I am not going crazy, the reason I couldn't make head or tail of the stuff is because they have sent us a weird offer which doesn't relate to what we asked for. I think paperwork has crossed in the post and they have sent this before seeing the other stuff. Otherwise they are very stupid people as the mortgage cannot be registered in G's use name as opposed to the name on his deed poll. The $75 000 is a problem too as it means we have to pay mortgage insurance. I'm charmed that they are requiring house insurance without specifying how much we need to insure the house for.
Gah. Sitting by phone waiting for the broker to call back so we can make sense of it all.
Just spoke to the broker and I am not going crazy, the reason I couldn't make head or tail of the stuff is because they have sent us a weird offer which doesn't relate to what we asked for. I think paperwork has crossed in the post and they have sent this before seeing the other stuff. Otherwise they are very stupid people as the mortgage cannot be registered in G's use name as opposed to the name on his deed poll. The $75 000 is a problem too as it means we have to pay mortgage insurance. I'm charmed that they are requiring house insurance without specifying how much we need to insure the house for.
Gah. Sitting by phone waiting for the broker to call back so we can make sense of it all.
Still trying to finalise mortgage. They sent me some paperwork I do not understand and I'm chasing the mortgage broker to see if she can shed some light. On the plus side they wrote the offer for what we asked for, not the $1500 less they said they were offering.
M's been pretty unwell and emotionally labile in the last week. We took him off the tricyclic and he's been complaining of headache, nausea and hot and cold flushes. Whether this is adjustment to the risperidone, continuing tricyclic withdrawal or simply a virus, we don't know. He's crying at everything and if you look at him sideways, he's weeping bitterly and apologising for existing. Not good, not good at all.
K's doing well off all meds. Very communicative and present. Why this would be is beyond me. It's like the dex kick-started him into being present.
We bought the TT EE yesterday and wow. It's fantastic -- the movie makes sense now. The Faramir backstory is great. Can't wait until ROTK.
L and F came over on Sunday and the boys had a great day. F's stressed but there were no dramas. Sunday's been about the only day that M has been properly medicated since coming off the endep. They spent hours in the pool building stuff out of the pool toys.
M's been pretty unwell and emotionally labile in the last week. We took him off the tricyclic and he's been complaining of headache, nausea and hot and cold flushes. Whether this is adjustment to the risperidone, continuing tricyclic withdrawal or simply a virus, we don't know. He's crying at everything and if you look at him sideways, he's weeping bitterly and apologising for existing. Not good, not good at all.
K's doing well off all meds. Very communicative and present. Why this would be is beyond me. It's like the dex kick-started him into being present.
We bought the TT EE yesterday and wow. It's fantastic -- the movie makes sense now. The Faramir backstory is great. Can't wait until ROTK.
L and F came over on Sunday and the boys had a great day. F's stressed but there were no dramas. Sunday's been about the only day that M has been properly medicated since coming off the endep. They spent hours in the pool building stuff out of the pool toys.
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
We got a mortgage. I was a bit nervous yesterday after the bank rang and were not thrilled by a couple of my answers so it was a relief to hear from the broker today that they were going to offer a mortgage. I'm gasping a bit at the monthly repayments -- we need to seriously look at more frugal living ::sigh::. I wish we'd completed on this before the rate rise went through. But still we're going to be paying far less on this mortgage than we would be if we were renting this house. I'm just feeling nervous at the change and I do know that if we get into trouble, my parents will bail us out but I'm hoping it doesn't come to that because I'd like to be independent again financially.
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Comments are back. Ooooookay. I like it when things fix themselves.
The report on Q homeschooling was tabled in Parliament this morning and fascinatingly it looks like I was as wrong as I could possibly be. Distance ed will be free and the dispensation requirement is gone no matter what. They're proposing an option where a parent can put up a proposal of curriculum. it looks like registration is going to be a mandatory requirement and yearly reporting on achievement.
Hmmmmm. I think I will just lay low for a while and see what comes down the pike.
The report on Q homeschooling was tabled in Parliament this morning and fascinatingly it looks like I was as wrong as I could possibly be. Distance ed will be free and the dispensation requirement is gone no matter what. They're proposing an option where a parent can put up a proposal of curriculum. it looks like registration is going to be a mandatory requirement and yearly reporting on achievement.
Hmmmmm. I think I will just lay low for a while and see what comes down the pike.
Apparently it's bye bye comments. I'll fix it later.
M finished coming off the effexor and began the risperidone. He's been OK except for Sunday which was ugly. We're beginning the tricyclic withdrawal now. He was great yesterday.
G might have a NY agent. She certainly seems keen to sign him. It's stress, good stress but stress all the same. I really hope it is his big break. Maude knows we could do with it.
Mortgage grinding on. The loan provider just rang to check a couple of points, and sounded fairly neutral about whether or not it was going to be a positive outcome.
Took K off dexamphemine after a bad day on Friday. We saw Michael this morning to discuss options. Basically it appears that the dex and the clonidine worked to uncover K's underlying anxiety which is usually managed by his autistic symptoms. The dex forced him to be more present which led to anxiety issues being more prominent -- it's probable that his attentional issues are more anxiety based than true attentional issues. Michael commented that K is far more autistic than the last couple of times he's seen him medicated ::sigh::. Talked over the SSRI drugs: agreed that neither of us are keen to use those with a kid who is not likely to accurately self report. I found zoloft and prozac hard enough to manage with a kid who was able to talk about feelings. Tri-cyclics are out of the question as I will not risk constipation until we sort the bowel issues.
So, wheeeeeeee! If he has panic attacks again, it's risperidone! Bah. Michael's hoping to get some free packs of strattera when it becomes available here in the NY and we're definitely going to be first in line to trial it with K.
Talked over schools for M. Still some pressure to consider the small Catholic school but I'm not doing it. If they were not under imminent threat of closure, I'd be open but it's not going to be the environment I want for M if they are fighting to stay open. He wants me to consider the school that we are using for K but I want K to be settled there first before M begins. I do not have the intestinal fortitude to cope with both kids in a new school with their differing needs. I just can't do it. I am looking closely at the distance ed option for next year if it becomes free but it's looking weird as to just who will get free tuition and a cynical part of me is wondering if getting people to apply for free tuition will serve as a way of finding 'illegal' homeschoolers.
I'm really tired as per bloody usual. I just want a stretch of time with some fecking stability in it.
M finished coming off the effexor and began the risperidone. He's been OK except for Sunday which was ugly. We're beginning the tricyclic withdrawal now. He was great yesterday.
G might have a NY agent. She certainly seems keen to sign him. It's stress, good stress but stress all the same. I really hope it is his big break. Maude knows we could do with it.
Mortgage grinding on. The loan provider just rang to check a couple of points, and sounded fairly neutral about whether or not it was going to be a positive outcome.
Took K off dexamphemine after a bad day on Friday. We saw Michael this morning to discuss options. Basically it appears that the dex and the clonidine worked to uncover K's underlying anxiety which is usually managed by his autistic symptoms. The dex forced him to be more present which led to anxiety issues being more prominent -- it's probable that his attentional issues are more anxiety based than true attentional issues. Michael commented that K is far more autistic than the last couple of times he's seen him medicated ::sigh::. Talked over the SSRI drugs: agreed that neither of us are keen to use those with a kid who is not likely to accurately self report. I found zoloft and prozac hard enough to manage with a kid who was able to talk about feelings. Tri-cyclics are out of the question as I will not risk constipation until we sort the bowel issues.
So, wheeeeeeee! If he has panic attacks again, it's risperidone! Bah. Michael's hoping to get some free packs of strattera when it becomes available here in the NY and we're definitely going to be first in line to trial it with K.
Talked over schools for M. Still some pressure to consider the small Catholic school but I'm not doing it. If they were not under imminent threat of closure, I'd be open but it's not going to be the environment I want for M if they are fighting to stay open. He wants me to consider the school that we are using for K but I want K to be settled there first before M begins. I do not have the intestinal fortitude to cope with both kids in a new school with their differing needs. I just can't do it. I am looking closely at the distance ed option for next year if it becomes free but it's looking weird as to just who will get free tuition and a cynical part of me is wondering if getting people to apply for free tuition will serve as a way of finding 'illegal' homeschoolers.
I'm really tired as per bloody usual. I just want a stretch of time with some fecking stability in it.
Thursday, November 06, 2003
Drowning here. Just going under and not coping all that well. I keep crying all the time over stupid shit.
The effexor withdrawal got difficult on Sunday, Monday was very hard for him. Started risperidone last night and he seems bright and cheerful today.
Saw gastro on Monday, another 5 weeks of enemas and laxatives. It's starting to break my heart how upset K is by the whole thing. He is finally starting to try to poo but it's not working.
Saw GP on Tuesday. GP is a crazy bitch and I will not be going back. It was just insane the whole visit. I left in tears and couldn't stop crying.
Wednesday I sat around doing nothing apart from washing and a tad of tidying. The house is trashed and I don't care.
Today the mortgage broker rang to say that the first bank has refused our application and for the next bank we need lots more paperwork. I've found most of it, none of it where it should be. G has definitively lost one form so he can chase the replacement. Gotta photocopy stuff, get a statement from the bank, chase Idiot Accountant for a full printout of our tax return... Gah. Megan cancelled at the last minute today for respite which helped enormously with my stress load. Not.
Everything's just too much to deal with. And now I need to go and buy curtains.
The effexor withdrawal got difficult on Sunday, Monday was very hard for him. Started risperidone last night and he seems bright and cheerful today.
Saw gastro on Monday, another 5 weeks of enemas and laxatives. It's starting to break my heart how upset K is by the whole thing. He is finally starting to try to poo but it's not working.
Saw GP on Tuesday. GP is a crazy bitch and I will not be going back. It was just insane the whole visit. I left in tears and couldn't stop crying.
Wednesday I sat around doing nothing apart from washing and a tad of tidying. The house is trashed and I don't care.
Today the mortgage broker rang to say that the first bank has refused our application and for the next bank we need lots more paperwork. I've found most of it, none of it where it should be. G has definitively lost one form so he can chase the replacement. Gotta photocopy stuff, get a statement from the bank, chase Idiot Accountant for a full printout of our tax return... Gah. Megan cancelled at the last minute today for respite which helped enormously with my stress load. Not.
Everything's just too much to deal with. And now I need to go and buy curtains.
Saturday, November 01, 2003
It's been a better week. The effexor withdrawal has gone more smoothly than I anticipated. Headaches the first day but from then on, he's just been a tad obnoxious. No nausea or vomiting.
K was fully off the clonidine until Wednesday night when he had a dose to help him sleep. Panic attack on Thursday so that's an obvious link. We had a major dust/wind storm here on Wednesday which was frightening in its intensity. it went all day and there are lots of trees down. We were lucky we didn't lose power or have any fires nearby. The Gold Coast hinterland is burning near here.
G and I watched Billy Elliot. What a fantastic movie :)
Yesterday I went into the city and did some Xmas shopping. Got some books for M I'd been looking for. _The Mummy Congress_ and _Why People Believe Weird Things_.
Saw Tracey to discuss supplements for K. She's going to do some research into how we can most cheaply and effectively get stuff into him.
Well, I'm far from inspired here.
K was fully off the clonidine until Wednesday night when he had a dose to help him sleep. Panic attack on Thursday so that's an obvious link. We had a major dust/wind storm here on Wednesday which was frightening in its intensity. it went all day and there are lots of trees down. We were lucky we didn't lose power or have any fires nearby. The Gold Coast hinterland is burning near here.
G and I watched Billy Elliot. What a fantastic movie :)
Yesterday I went into the city and did some Xmas shopping. Got some books for M I'd been looking for. _The Mummy Congress_ and _Why People Believe Weird Things_.
Saw Tracey to discuss supplements for K. She's going to do some research into how we can most cheaply and effectively get stuff into him.
Well, I'm far from inspired here.
